


i take it back

by DumbScribbles



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Best Friends, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), DreamSMP - Freeform, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, President Toby Smith | Tubbo, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, accidental murder, no shipping minors you creeps, the festival stream (the one before doomsday), they are best friends your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbScribbles/pseuds/DumbScribbles
Summary: he wants to take it back, more than he's ever wanted to take anything back in his stupid fucked up life. but he can't.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If the festival stream had gone horribly wrong.
> 
> Yeah just me writing needless angst again.

"Those discs were worth more than you ever were!"

He was just following his momentum. The axe had been pulled behind his head, ready to swing. They were both shouting in the middle of the fight, dripping blood and leaving bruises on each other. His head was beyond fucked, he had no control of what words would come out of his mouth.

Tommy didn't expect Tubbo to stop, or drop his shield. He didn't know he had those words, those awful hurtful words, stored in his brain. They hadn't just shocked the other teen, but himself as well.

He didn't know his arms were still moving until they stopped. Their sudden halt was accompanied by a horrible cracking sound. With both hands on the axe, he could feel it too well, the sharp chunk of metal digging through something soft, then hitting something hard and continuing straight through it.

Swords and knives had always been Tommy's preferred weapons. They were light, thin, but sharp enough to easily slice through flesh. They were clean. Meanwhile, axes were heavy, made for destruction. I didn't feel like they were made for an honorable fight. Even though he had been so excited to wield Techno's Axe of Peace, it just didn't feel right in his hands.

He was looking at Tubbo. His best friend was standing right in front of him. Because they were fighting. _Why were they fighting?_

The Axe of Peace went right through Tubbo's collarbone, and continued down deep into his chest. His face was contorted into a look of shock and pain, not because of what Tommy had just done, but because of what he said.

"Tommy?"

He wished he had jumped into the lava when he had gotten the chance. He wished he wasn't here to hear the tone of Tubbo's voice, the hushed rasp of hurt, not just from this moment but from everything, everything they had gone through since they had been here.

They had arrived here simply as best friends, two stupid kids who were looking for trouble, looking for fun. Neither of them knew a goddamn thing about politics or revolutions or anything like that. Yet they found themselves being dragged through battle after battle, the trauma only piling up as they went, for christ's sake, they both lost their first two lives at age sixteen! Their lives, the life they had made together, crumbled before their very eyes.

Tommy's hands shook violently as he released his grip on the weapon. The axe was dug into Tubbo deep enough that it stayed where it was, and the image brought a wave of sickness over Tommy. As blood began to soak into Tubbo's presidential jacket and drip off the blade of the axe, the older boy swayed where he stood, and his legs collapsed beneath him.

The blond still couldn't manage a single word and he rushed down with the other boy as he fell. He held onto him slightly, making it so that he didn't just fall over, but guiding him semi-gently into laying down on the damp wood remains of the community house. He was reminded of the countless eyes on them, from friends and foe alike, but he couldn't give a single shit. He didn't dare look away from his best friend as he bled out next to him.

"Tommy…" Tubbo whispered again, even quieter this time. His deep blue eyes were glossed over with pain, tears leaking out of the corners. For a split second, Tommy envied his ability to cry. It seemed that after exile, after Dream had left his imprint on the teen, he had lost that ability. He remembered far too well, the feeling of complete numbness that had consumed him, blocked out his fear and sadness as he had stood sky high on his tiny tower, fully prepared to jump and end it all there. That same numbness was spreading from his chest once more, except for a single emotion that was powerful enough to breach the layer. Regret.

"I take it back," the blond sobbed without tears, leaning down close to his friend. He kept his focus on Tubbo's face, but in his peripherals he could still see the large gash cut into his friend, ripped flesh and cracked bone exposed to the air. A large pool of blood was forming under him, soaking his fluffy brown hair.

"I take it back, please, let me take it back," Tommy croaked. To whom his words were directed at, he didn't know. There was no god here. Not unless you counted the green bastard who certainly acted like one.

Slowly, Tubbo lifted his arms up and held the sides of Tommy's face. The skin of his palms felt rough, and his fingers were smeared with dark crimson.

"Sorry," Tubbo sighed, breaths becoming slow and ragged. He was turning pale, and his eyes looked like they were having trouble focusing on the other teen leaning over him. Despite everything, his lips quirked into a ghost of a smile. "Tommy."

"No, no, no, _nononononono-_ I'm sorry, _I'm_ the sorry one, Tubbo, no, please, no-" Tommy clutched onto Tubbo's arms as he frantically sputtered out anything he could think to say. He couldn't process what was happening. But the pain he felt growing in his chest was worse than anything he had ever experienced in his life.

Tubbo's arms dropped back to his sides with a light thud. He hadn't lost eye contact with Tommy the entire time. His small ram-like ear flicked itself one more time. The vibrant deep blue of his eyes seemed to become desaturated as his shallow breathing slowed to a halt.

"No, fuck, no, I take it back, Tubbo, please, you can't, you can't-!" Tommy's voice rose to a scream as he grabbed onto the older boy's shoulder and shook lightly. Tubbo's head rolled to the side limply.

Tommy felt like he was leaving his body. He was completely numb to the touch, and his senses began to dull as he stared down hopelessly at the lifeless corpse of his best friend. His best friend who he had just killed.

Tommy had _killed_ Tubbo.

This wasn't real. It couldn't be, right? He would never do something like this. It was a nightmare, it had to be. He would wake up back in Techno's basement, sure, Tubbo might still hate him, but he'd be alive. He had to be alive. Tommy thought- no, _he knew it as a fact_ , there wasn't any point in living if his other half was dead.

He was only slightly brought back to reality as he felt an arm hook around his waist. He let it pick him up. He didn't care what was happening to him, he kept his gaze on Tubbo. So his eyes widened in horror as he watched a hand reach down and rip the axe out of his friend's chest, absolutely soaked in his blood. Tommy barely felt the cold as he was carried into the wall of water that surrounded the ruins, and splashed back out into the air again. Whoever had a hold of him was saying something, but his brain was too overwhelmed to comprehend the words or identify the voice. Vaguely, he noted that he was coming closer to a large purple wall.

The world outside Tommy's head didn't mean anything anymore. He wasn't going to live in a world without Tubbo.

He passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this writing is almost as messy as my mental state ahaha  
> Tw- suicide

Techno held himself against a wall of crimson rock, panting heavily. He could still hear the distant shouts of their pursuers, but between the temporary hiding spot he had found and the invisibility potion he had drunk, he knew they were probably in the clear now.

The piglin hybrid looked down at the unconscious boy who he had propped up next to him. He was all scratched up and his clothes were stained with a familiar red hue, though Techno was pretty sure most of it wasn't his.

He had never seen Tommy kill anyone before.

He wasn't even sure if Tommy _had_ ever killed anyone before. He assumed so, knowing the angry and sometimes ruthless nature of the teen, but if he hadn't, then that just made it even worse.

The president of L'manberg was dead, for good. That was a statement that Techno should feel generally good about, but he didn't. He wasn't sure how strong his allegiance with Dream was right now, seeing as he was still keeping Tommy under his wing, but he needed to get back in contact with him, fast. This was the best time to strike, with everyone in complete shock and chaos. He wanted to fully obliterate that chunk of land, and finish what Wilbur hadn't been able to.

Between sympathy and empathy, Techno didn't have a lot of either, but he definitely felt at least one of them right now, probably the former. Even though they had been on bad terms just now, he knew that Tommy and Tubbo had been inseparable for pretty much all of the rest of their lives. Or life, singular. It seemed like they had shared everything with each other.

Techno wasn't sure what he was going to have to deal with when Tommy woke up, but he promised himself that he would try his best to be there for the even-more-broken teen.

.

Unsure if it was going to be safe to return to his base, Techno stayed in the nether, getting new hiding spots for himself and the unconscious boy with him just a few times for extra safety measures.

About an hour after they had fled from the horrific scene, Tommy woke up. He was dead silent, and Techno probably wouldn't have noticed he had awakened if he hadn't glanced over. The look in the blond's eyes reminded Techno of when he had first found the raccoon-like boy hiding in his basement. He had acted as he always did, but when Techno had looked into Tommy's eyes, he had seen something darker, some traumatic pain that hid behind his smile. Now that darkness filled Tommy's eyes, which lazily glanced around their surroundings.

"We hafta hide out fer a while," The piglin hybrid muttered to the broken-looking teen. "I think we should leave the nether, but we can't go back to the base." Techno wasn't sure if Tommy was listening(he was used to that anyway), but he pulled a couple of potions out of his bag and cracked them on the ground in between them, dousing them with the magical liquids. They were out of invisibility, but Techno thought they could probably get by with just swiftness and fire resistance.

Techno waited to see if Tommy would move, and when he didn't, the pink haired man held a hand out to him with a sigh. He didn't look like he even recognized the gesture, but Tommy placed his bloodied hand on Techno's, who immediately got a firm grip on him and pulled him up no problem. He patted the teen on the back a few times before turning and starting to walk away. To his relief, Techno heard Tommy's footsteps behind him.

They were heading to one of the portals that exited near Techno's base, but it was a bit dangerous to get back there from where Techno had hid them. Even knowing the fire resistance would save him, Techno still didn't like having to walk along a thin cliff edge, trying to avoid staring down at the blazing pit of lava. Once he shuffled over the thin pathway, he turned back to wait for Tommy. The blond was almost to the larger piece of land that Techno stood on when he stopped. He was looking down at the lava, as if he was mesmerized.

"C'mon, kid, hurry up," Techno urged. Tommy didn't move. Suddenly, Techno felt a chill down his spine. The potion effects had worn off. He didn't understand the look in Tommy's eyes.

Tommy began to fall.

Techno sprung forward, gasping as he reached out in a panic to grab something, anything, thankfully processing what was happening. But it seemed he just wasn't fast enough. He swore he had touched the fabric of Tommy's shirt, but it was too late. All the piglin hybrid could do was lean over the edge in horror as he watched the teen plummet down into the glowing pit of liquid death. It was a far drop, but he saw the thick liquid splash up as Tommy hit the surface. Techno squeezed his eyes shut.

The voices in his head whispered something about death again. Eyes still closed, Techno backed away from the edge until he felt his back hit rock again. He clutched his head. There was an image in his mind, of Tommy, laughing and obnoxiously chewing a golden apple as they walked together in the snow.

Techno sat alone for a long time.

.

"Tommy?"

Warm. Tommy felt warm and tingly all over. There was a bright glow, a very pale yellow-orange. He squinted and blinked his eyes a few times.

The light shrunk. It was the sun. He was staring at the sunset, over the rounded ridges of mountains. The sky around it was a brilliant mix of pinks and oranges and reds. There was a very soft breeze, and when it was already accompanied by the warm, almost humid air, the temperature felt just right. Perfect, even.

"Tommy."

He turned. He saw a wooden bench. It wasn't the most well-crafted piece of furniture he had ever seen, but he liked it. And someone else was already sitting on it.

Tommy's eyes widened. On the far end of the bench, a brown haired boy with big blue eyes sat waiting. He patted the empty space on the bench lightly. He was smiling fondly up at Tommy. The teen reluctantly took his seat.

"Tubbo…" whispered the blond, just barely. He felt his stomach churn, and he had to look down at his hands quickly to make sure they weren't covered in his best friend's blood.

"I always wondered why I liked sunsets more than sunrises," Tubbo sighed, looking away from Tommy and up at the sky. "Sunrises are the beginning, it's the hope of a new day. Sunsets are always the end. And even happy endings feel sad sometimes."

Tommy watched Tubbo carefully as he spoke. Was this real, was _he_ real? He might've been too prideful, too deep into his hero complex to admit it, but Tommy was sure that he would've gone to hell when he died. Tubbo, on the other hand, should most definitely be going to heaven. Tommy wasn't sure where they were, but it didn't feel like either place. And hadn't Ghostbur said there was no afterlife?

"Wh-what are you talking about? Are you real?" Tommy stammered out. His sharp sky blue eyes pierced Tubbo's deep ocean blue ones, and he felt a sharp pain in his heart. His hands were clean but he was sure he felt the blood on them. He didn't deserve to see Tubbo right now. He wasn't sure he ever deserved a friend like Tubbo in the first place.

"Yeah, I'm real as far as I know. And we're dead, so… that's that. Ended. Me and you."

"Huh? Wait, you mean- Tubbo, I-I'm… I fucked it, I fucked it, it's my fault, it wasn't supposed to be like this, it was just us, always, I thought-"

Tubbo looked a bit worried and gave a small laugh. "No, no, it's… that's okay, Tommy. We're still us." He reached out and tenderly held Tommy's hand. Tommy let him.

"No… I _killed_ you. I- Well, firstly, it's _not_ okay, I can't take it back, it's completely my fault. You… we shouldn't be friends in… wherever we are right now. I'm fucked, Tubbo, I'll just do something else that will hurt you."

"I know you didn't mean to do it-"

"That's just it! I didn't _mean_ to do it and it still happened, whether I'm thinking or not, everything I do hurts people! I can't even think about it, how many times did I hurt you and not know? How can I be that bad a friend?"

"Tommy…" Tubbo sighed. He frowned but his voice was still calm. "You're my best friend. No matter what happens to us, that part won't change, ever. I hurt you too, Tommy. Even before we moved to the SMP, we did things without thinking and we hurt each other, probably a lot more than we think."

"Then… then why? Why- _How_ are we still friends?"

"It's called forgiveness, Tommy. Y'know, saying sorry? Well, you never really say it, but you always say things with actions, I think."

"But how can I say sorry for what I did, I literally k-killed…"

"You already said it. In words and actions."

Tommy started at Tubbo. He couldn't quite remember what he had said when the other teen was dying, but he supposed he probably had the decency to say the word sorry. But actions…

"Oh."

The suffocating guilt he had felt as he plummeted down to the lava. He couldn't find a reason to continue on with his friend. There wasn't a point if Tubbo wasn't by his side when he achieved whatever victory he was aiming for.

"You could've lived…" Tubbo murmured, squeezing Tommy's hand.

"I couldn't have," Tommy blurted immediately, to his embarrassment. He smiled nervously as he continued. "I don't know where we are, or if any of it is real, but if we're both here, together, then… this is where I'd rather be."

Only a sliver of the setting sun remained, draining the warm colors of the sky. Tommy felt strange- like his whole body was blurry. But it was still warm. And Tubbo was with him, so everything would be okay. Tubbo squeezed his hand one more time.

"Best friends forever and ever, yeah?"

"Best friends. No matter what."

_The boys faded away into the darkness of the night. They were unfairly tied to a dark tragedy, but in the end, they still remembered where their loyalties lied._


End file.
